TO BE WITHOUT

This past one week has given me experience in my life I'll never forget, and it has given me insight into how we lose people to preventable deaths.

It all started on Sunday with a sneeze every now and then, so I didn't make much of it.

Between Monday and Tuesday, I'd caught a cold with watery nose and I'd just wipe it off with tissue. 

From Wednesday through to Thursday, one nostril would be blocked at a time and I'd use inhaler to clear the clog and for some relief.

By evening and through the night on Thursday, I just couldn't breathe.

This is where I started getting scared because, for someone who's been asthmatic, and haven't had an attack in many years, one of my triggers is blocked nostrils. 

And this can be very very painful, not just the attack itself, but the irritation from a dry throat, even with an inhaler (which I don't have, because I tend to discard them upon expiration).

They are not cheap, therefore I decided not to purchase them, which for me was an absolute waste of money, when I no longer have attacks.

What makes an attack triggered by a blocked nose very painful is that, you tend to breathe from your mouth when your nose is completely blocked, causing dryness and irritation in your throat, that comes with slight coughs due to the irritation.

Now when an attack occurs, the inhaler is administered through the mouth, by pumping the gas and taking a deep breathe, but in this case, with a blocked nose, dryness and irritation of throat, when you pump, you feel a slight sharp sting in the throat and a very painful tight chestedness, that makes you want to cry. 

Infact, a few times, I had that experience during the times of my asthmatic attacks caused/triggered by blocked nose, I've had tears dropped down my cheeks, it is that painful, hence I had every reason to be scared, hoping and praying that, an attack is not triggered.

One important control an asthmatic is counselled on, is the importance of avoiding panic and anxiety or at best trying to maintain calmness when faced with a trigger as this can cause a full blown attack or worsen the attack if it's already set in.

A task that is not easy to do, but thankfully, I've over the years developed the ability to that because, all my years of being asthmatic, I've rarely had anyone, tend to me during the period of an attack, and I've had to always get myself to the nearest primary healthcare facility without assistance and in this particular instance without the means and an inhaler, I just couldn't risk it, so by hook or by crook, I had to make sure that I did everything I can and/or could to clear my nostrils, at least if I could have one clear nostril to breathe through, that would be enough for me.

Early Friday morning, my friend Annette called me for a discussion, by this time I was feeling way much better, and I was lively and even cracked a few jokes with her. After the call ended, I went back to bed.

I don't know when and how it started, but I woke up from sleep in cold sweats, shivering vigorously and a very painful nipple, a pain I'd never experienced even with PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome).

I was groaning in severe pain and restless, as I shook vigorously from the shiver and the restlessness was from an unbearable ache within my bones. 

When the cold sweats passed and I drifted into sleep for a while, the heat from my body temperature felt as though I was being roasted in an oven. 

This phenomenon was literally an all day affair, in that, I had no sense of time. When I felt a little relief and I checked the time, it was about 6pm.

So I called a food vendor in vicinity to order some food, after which I decided to have a bath, while waiting for her call when my order is ready for pick-up. It was at this moment, when I got out of bed that I realised, it only takes a micro second to die. 

As I stood up, I felt so weak, dizzy and light headed, that my own body couldn't carry me.

Any attempt to take a step would've seen me slamming hard on the floor, so I had to retreat and lie down again. After a few minutes, I sat of the bed for a while, and stood up again, at which point it was ok but not better. 

So with the little strength I had now, I boiled some water for my bath, and finally had my bath using a stool. After which I called a neighbour to meet up with me at my gate, so he can assist me to the vendors place for my food.

When we got to the vendors, my food was not ready, so I decided we go to the Chemist for some medication as first aid. After which I picked up my food and he walked me home.

I could barely take a bite from my meal but manage a few mousels, waited for a while before taking my medicine, this was because I was nauseous after the meal and didn't want to throw up the medicine, incase I vomitted. Eventually, I drifted into sleep.

I woke up abruptly from my sleep, in a soaked bed and cover cloth, drenched from my own cold sweats and heavens me, this time the pain from aching bones and nipples was so excruciating, my eyes were tearing. 

This time round, my body temperature and the cold sweats were playing ''Clash of the Titans'' with me, both were happening at the same time.

Then the nausea set in, and since I had long eaten, which was not enough, whatever liquid was in my stomach was being ejected and as that was happening, I was having diarrhea.

Hence from late night on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I was literally in excruciating pain from aches caused by feeling cold, pounding headache, clogged nose, irritating throat, drenched in cold sweats, having a fever, vomitting and passing stool, all happening at the same time.

Having had enough, by 7pm on Sunday, I called my neighbour and asked that he goes to the Chemist and call me, so I can speak with the MCA (Medicine Counter Assistant), which he did.

I spoke with the MCA, and we both agreed on what what combination treatment to try this time round since the first one didn't suffice. 

I didn't have any money at all whatsoever, since I'd already used what was in my piggy bank earlier, but my neighbour got me the medicines and some food as well.

It took a while, and I had a few morsels, waited for a while, and took the new set of medicines. 

It wasn't long before all of that came out again both in stool and in vomit. I drank some water and rested. Got up and had a few morsels again, waited for a while and re-administered the medication.

I went to bed, drifted into sleep, and though I'm still drenched in cold sweats, I woke this morning feeling better; the temperature, headache, aches and cough have subsided, the diarrhea has reduced, the vomitting has ceased, my nose is clear, my throat feels better, basically there's been an improvement.

One would ask, why didn't I go to the hospital, well I tell you this, the hospital is my playground. I just love it. 

However, this time round I simply didn't have the means to patronise it, but it made me also realise that but for the little knowledge I acquired in my current field of study and I applied to myself, which I'm currently in the process of completing, I honestly wouldn't know what my fate would've been today.

This also made me realise that, but for being without, many preventable deaths would be avoided if not for the lack of means to seek medical attention, even if one has access to a facility.

Within my demography alone, is situated not less than 12 facilities that are within reach and accessible, with one being my primary care facility.

But guess what, I simply didn't have the means to go, not even to the nearest one, just a 10 minute walk from my home, which by the way is more expensive than my primary care facility that is about 20 minutes drive from my home and at worst 45 minutes drive in heavy traffic.

One thing the event of these past few days has taught me is that, life is fleeting but even moreso, life is a commodity purchased with currency.

If you have the currency to purchase life, don't ever take your purchasing power for granted, nor feel superior over those who're without.

Unfortunately, lots of people with means, are of the notion that those without, feel entitled to their ''hard earned'' money, and will not hesitate to emphasize, at the least given opportunity about how those without feel they are owed an obligation.

Money is life, it sure is, but I also learnt that, being kind could save a life, this I learnt from my neighbour. 

It cost my neighbour, only 30 cedis (20 for medicine, 10 for food) to save my life. 

He neither owed me a fadden, nor was he obliged to do anything for me, yet when I thanked him yesterday in tears, he said to me, ''you've saved a lot of lives in this neighbourhood and not once have you asked for anything in return, if this is the only thing you've asked of me ever, I'm more than privileged to be the one you trust enough to ask, so thank you for asking me.''

I live in a household where I take care of everyone in their ill-health single-handedly and oh, it is expected of me and I'm obliged to, not that I mind, because I love nursing people.

Yet when I'm ill, not even once do I get a knock on my door from anyone in my household, with a simple good morning, infact, even if I'm in ill-health and a member in my household also is ill, with no iota of empathy, it is expected of me to forego nursing myself and nurse the other, and when I fail to do that because I genuinely can't, I become the villian.

When I woke up this morning, reflecting on the events of these past few days, one question I asked myself, was why did I fight to live.

The Broken Ornament

I'm an ornament that's priceless,

Sometimes, ornaments in spite of its value, break.

So I'm a broken ornament.

Like a Chinese vase, 

I've been mended with gold, not remoulded, 

To be remoulded, is to be shattered into many tiny pieces,

In doing so, I'll lose the originality of that which once was my core, essence and identity.

What radiates as a magnificent freehand artwork of gold streaks, are actually scars that have beautifully healed.

A reminder of the fragility of life and a reward of resilience.

At creation, 

I was pounded, ground, watered, kneaded; 

Moulded, crushed, remoulded, cut, shaped; 

Fired, painted and glazed.

I developed cracks as I aged,

From the many effects of the elements around me,

And the many hands that touched me,

Some gently, while others, cruelly.

From a shelve that once was my abode of respite, 

A hand picked me, be it intentional or not,

I fell from those hands and got broken,

Collected and tossed away.

Is there value in a broken vase?

I moved from one dumpster to another,

But my Potter, relentlessly searched for me and found me.

Collected the pieces of what has become my remains.

No, I wasn't remoulded.

But with delicate hands, I was mended with pure gold, and polished.

Only the Potter, knew the true value of the vase.

In a glass showcase, the Potter displays the mended vase,

And any hands that carefully picks the vase from the glass and polishes, 

To those hands, the vase emits outshining beauty that blinds.

To the hands that shatter the glass, an alarm is triggered, that electrocutes them.

Because the honour and dignity of the vase ought to be protected and preserved.

For that which was destroyed has already been destroyed,

But that which is left, ought to be kept.

I am that priceless ornament, the Chinese vase.

Yes, I'm broken but proud of my golden streaks.

I burst out with radiance when polished with tender hands,

Because that's what love does.

I'm not ashamed of my scars, 

I wear them with pride.

Like a Phoenix, I've risen through many ashes.

Like the tidal waves, I ceaselessly rise.

Like the Sun, I have set many times at dusk,

Yet when the dawn beckons, at cockcrow,

I come forth Majestically, as though I never set.

A Broken Ornament is what I am

But not destroyed.

©Nita Writes

THE BIRTHDAY CLIMAX

Liam and Chloe had been together for quite sometime time now and had a fairly good relationship, not that it was without challenges.

As Liam's birthday was approaching, Chloe decided to put together a surprise party for him.

It had taken her about three months of careful planning. Finally, the day arrived.

When Liam was at work, Chloe went over to his house and a team to organise the place.

Around 6pm after close of work, friends of both Chloe and Liam began to arrive at Liam's residence while Liam's bestfriend who was already in the know, diverted Liam's course from home to distract him and hold him for a while until he (Liam's bestfriend), recieves a signal that all guests have arrived and Liam can head home.

Indeed by 7pm it was a full house, signal was sent and both Liam and his friend headed home.

With all lights out and without a clue as to what was about to happen, Liam walked through the door and turned on the lights and there was a loud scream from the guests, ''Surprise''!

He stood there in shock and awe with teary eyes as he tried so much to hold back his tears.

The party began, and there was plenty to eat and drink. Infact, everyone had fun.

By 10pm, guests were bidding their goodbyes and had began to depart.

Now it was left with Liam and Chloe alone as all the guest had left and it was now time to retire to bed.

While in the shower having a bath together, Liam couldn't keep his hands off Chloe as he was admiring her body and his eyes were red shot with firing lust like a lion ready to devour its prey.

After stepping out of the shower and climbing into bed, Liam grabbed Chloe, flipped her over and started kissing and caressing her with his fingers stroking gently all over her body.

Then he drew her closer, drawing her slightly lower on the bed while he suckled on and fondled her breasts.

He then moved downwards gradually kissing the navel and splitting her legs wide open.

With his tongue stroking her clit and sucking on it; while inserting a finger in her kitty, thrusting gently to and fro, and in circular motion.

As Chloe was in deep moan, Liam switched to the 69 position and was eating her kitty while she had his phallus in her mouth, abit throat deep like she was sucking on a lollipop. 

He then lifted her arse of his face, after eating what seemed like a kitty of his lifetime, turned her around, got up, carried her, putting her on his lap and in sitting position, with both facing each other kissing and him nibbling on her nipples.

As he continued nibbling he inserted his phallus into hre kitty, holding her waist firmly and started giving her a rhythmic semi deep thrust.

She moved her waist in forward, backward and circular motion as she was recieving the thrust from him.

Then she turns around and this moment his phallus is fully inserted in her, with her waist still firmly grabbed, she bounced on the phallus up and down, twisting her waist in sync with a deep full thrust she was recieving from beneath her.

She played with your clit while her nipples were being caressed by him.

The she began to feel electric charges move through her body and weakness in your limbs.

She seemed to have lost absolute control of her body to an inexplicable weakness and vigorous shivers, as she moaned so loud like a tooting train.

That is the deep satisfying experience of a Birthday Climax in appreciation of a well celebrated day.

A STRONG WOMAN

She is strong, they say;

But she hugs herself, because there's no one to hug her.

She is strong, they say;

But she fills her pillow with tears, because there's no one to wipe her tears.

She is strong, they say;

But she feels depressed, because there's no one to talk in her anxiety, aggression and irritability.

She is strong, they say;

But she's locked in her thoughts and bottled up so tightely, because there's no avenue to vent.

She is strong, they say;

Yet her smiles and laughter are aesthestic, because  they don't resonate from the depth of her belly but from the recognision of the moment she has.

She is strong, they say;

But the days she's locked in her room, sometimes are days she wants to take a walk, feel the breeze of the sea, lie down in the open at night under the sky just looking at the moon and stars.

She is strong, they say;

Yet she can't feel vulnerable, because being vulnerable makes her weak.

She is strong, they say;

Yet she's prohibited from freely loving someone the best way she knows how with passion, selflessness and deeply, because it makes her desperate and pushy.

She is strong, they say;

Yet she's the only person who accepts and loves herself for who she is even in her flaws, without prejudice and expectations, because no one else will.

She is strong, they say;

Yet while she stands alone as a non-conformists, the people who are seemingly accepting of her, are the very people subtly nudging her to conform.

She is strong, they say;

Yet the many punches and hurdles she's had to surmount through perserverance and determination are thought of as lack of focus or purpose, because she experiences de ja vous.

She is strong, they say;

Yet as she yearns for respite, there seem to be none in sight because there's to refuge to run to.

She is strong, they say;

But No, she's not. 

She is exhausted and weary.

She is STRONG,

When her tears that run down her cheeks to soothe her soul are seen.

When she is hugged

When she is not defined by her flaws but the content of who she is in her core without prejudice or judgement.

When she can freely and truly love the best way she knows how with passion.

When she is accepted in her non-conformity without being nudged to conforrm.

When she feels vulnerable, yet know she's safe.

When her smiles and laughter are carefree from within.

When she doesn't have to be ''strong'' anymore, but be weak.

Strength is the presence of weakness and not the absence of it.

Strength is when one finds the courage in weakness because they know they are not alone.

So when next you see a ''Strong Woman'',

Ask her genuinely, if she is okay.

That moment of genuine vulnerability and weakness, maybe just what she needed to find that courage, knowing that someone showed up for her and stood with her.

The Strongest Woman on the outside, is the Weakest Woman within.

Be her strength.

THE FAITH I ONCE HAD (God Is Alive)

PART ONE - When The Rain Stopped.

Perhaps I've written about this and other experiences in time past, and I've shared these as testimonies with faith and without faith but I'm reminded of this in an Epiphany to remember the days of old.

My mum had relocated to Keta at the time due to many challenges. She needed a new environment and I needed a break.

My Boss at the time had called me at midnight to prepare for a scheduled meeting in the morning, he wouldn't be available for, because my Boss' Boss had just called him (my Boss) to prepare for a meeting he (my Boss' Boss) was indisposed to be present due to a call he (my Boss' Boss) had recieved in the wee hours of the night to be present at a Board Meeting, in reference to a contract that he'd (my Boss' Boss) been following up for awhile.

I had already planned my day before going to bed because my Mum had reached out to me on a distress call and I knew I was scheduled to be Office bound for Administrative work.

I didn't have the documents needed (at home) to represent my Boss at his meeting, hence I had to go to work earlier than my reporting time, so I can read through and get acquainted with information for the scheduled meeting.

I got to work very early, quickly read through the documents, called the potential Client to confirm the meeting, proceeded to the Client's office.

The meeting lasted for over three hours (arrival, waiting, discourse and departure).

As I left the Client's office, I became anxious because I wasn't sure if I could make it to the bus terminal at Accra Central on time, in order to send the stipend my Mum requested for in her distress call.

On my way in a Taxi to the Bus Station , there was heavy traffic and then when I thought we were close enough, the clouds gathered and a heavy drizzle began.

Frustrated that I may not make it through the traffic and what seem to be an impending downpour from heavily pregnant rain clouds, I said a prayer.

''The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. If truly I serve You, let the rain be ceased and let the clouds be clear. Let me, finish my purpose for this day and pour down Your rain when I'm home.''

It took a while but the heavy drizzle began to fade and eventually stopped, the Sky cleared and there was Sunshine. Traffic also moved smoothly.

I got to the Station, did my transaction. 

Got back to the Office, wrote my report, closed for the day, got home and was awaken at Midnight from my sleep by heavy rain with Thunder.

That night, it rained more than Cats and Dogs.

All I said when I was startled from my sleep by the heavy downpours was, ''Thank You Lord.''

The Faith that propelled me to make that declaration is what I seek now. 

I lost it through life, because I got broken along the way when life started happening to me and I started question my very own Self.

#RedeemingLove

#GomerMaraHaddassahRuth

#ThePowerOfAPrayingWife

©Nita Writes